Friday, March 23, 2012

glastonbury 2011...unreleased excerpt

(Not included in the "Turn Left at The Womble" was what happened to me at Glastonbury in 2011 when I couldn't get tickets but got a job there working a bar.This may be worked up into a bigger piece somehere along the line though for now its's just a working draft....apologies for the language but it is an accurate account)


Saturday.

After hitting the sleeping bag at 5.30 I was rudely woken at 6 ish by some arsehole falling over the guy ropes and them half falling right on top of the tent, obviously pissed. As he fell & knocked the tent all the condensation from the inside dropped onto my sleeping bag and all over my face. It was if someone had thrown a jug of water over you just as you were dropping off. I must admit though by bellowing “FUCK OFF DICKHEAD!!” at the top of my voice was quite funny. I could hear his little spindly student legs peg it –he must’ve thought some crazed scouser was going to emerge half- naked from the tent with a baseball bat and break his legs. That is not really my style as I am a natural born coward. Brushing the water off the sleeping bag I turned over and fell back fast asleep.

Until 8 o’clock when the heat of the sun through the tent became too much to bear and claustrophobic. Unzipping the muddied zip for the front and poking my head out like a bleary-eyed dormouse I could see that nearly all the clouds had burnt away and there were blue blue skies overhead! Needing a wee and a coffee I pulled on my muddy jeans and made a quick trip out with every intention of going back to bed as I really had had only two hours kip. And having to do another late one Saturday night. But, intentions being merely that, once I was up it seemed a bit daft to waste time at Glasto on a beautiful day being asleep. (I could always nip back in the afternoon for a cheeky little nap?)So one coffee down I was wide awake and raring to go. Queued for the showers in the mud which was still there but not getting any worse, full breakfast and back to the tent to tidy up.          

In my generally knackered state the night before had not checked or realised that the flipping tent had leaked with all the rain and my rucksack with all my dry clothes in was soaking. I therefore had to take everything out, unbag all of the clothes which were ok but all the little things in the pockets of the rucksack were ruined-packets of paracetmol, jelly babies, spare lighters etc. Can you imagine how messy a full packet of rain sodden ginger nuts can get? However, major disaster was averted and by 11 ish was ready to go.

Although the forecast was good with no rain and the glasto veterans assured me that with a day without rain all the mud would dry up it had been so bad that it was still difficult to get around. It was now the consistency of glue actually. I decided to head off for the Pyramid and saw in turn Tame Impala (sunny psychedelica perfectly fitting after the rain-sun-kissed tunes and all that), Gaslight Anthem(clash-y) and Rumer (ace 60s pop Bacharachy).Sitting with a 99 and a coffee in the sun at 3 o’clock thought that things, well, actually are turning out pretty damn fine. It doesn’t get much better than this etc. Best get back to the tent for a couple of hours sleep though.

By the time I got back I ended up chatting with a couple of people and it hardly seemed worth it. So after evening meal and packing up banana for mid evening break went back to the bar for my 7 pm -3 m shift. On arrival I was informed that there would be a special secret (oooh!) guest  playing 1am-3 am-DJ Yoda.I don’t know if you are as hip as the kid who told me that but it didn’t mean anything to me. I asked if he was a little green bloke with pointy ears but either the tragically hip student could deadpan like no-one else or had an oxbridge sense of humour (ie none). Again the night went in a blur –it was packed all night though I was counting the hours down before I finished.

During my half hour break I legged it (as much as anyone can wearing wellies) to see Coldplay and managed to catch two songs. Although they are an easy target one of the best live bands I have ever seen. So in 30 minutes I caught Chris Martin and the boys, smoked three ciggies, had two cups of tea, two bananas and a Mars Bar. Who needs drugs? I was as wired as fuck and ready for the little Jedi Knight.

Surprisingly, DJ Yoda was ace, and what could be called a master of the genre. Mixing hip hop, 30’s blues, kids cartoon songs and bits of the Doors (I am stoned, immaculate etc) he never put a foot wrong. Any more of that and I would be using glo-sticks. Possibly. Not. Too old.

Well, by 3.30 all my working shifts were done! With the weary bones of someone who hadn’t slept more than three hours in the last 24 I slowly slowly made my way back to the site with one of the crew who was in his late thirties who was as knackered as me.(The rest of the crew were young enough to want to go on and party).Literally crawled into the tent. Tomorrow would be another day.   
  

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